ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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