everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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