Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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