WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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