I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
