I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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