i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
