Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
