I look better un-naked...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
