shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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