Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
