Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
