I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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