Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
