I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
