Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
