Porn is love you can see.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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