I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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