4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
