I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
