I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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