Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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