There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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