best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
