i don't like sucking hair
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
