he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
