I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
