You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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