There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
