Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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