Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
