i would punch a child for taco bell
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
