He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
