Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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