Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
