Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
