whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
