Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
