walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
