some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
