i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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