Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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