i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
