You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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