just tell him i said nine months
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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