Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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