It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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