He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
