I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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