i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
