How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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