so let's talk penis.
this just has baby written all over it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
