You really coming over, don't trick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
