yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
